joey ([info]untoward) wrote,
@ 2004-09-01 21:25:00
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When I play strip poker, I play to lose.
I invented a drink.

It's called The Exorcist.

You go into a bar, and you say "I would like The Exorcist." and the bartender says "I don't know what that is" (because I made it up, and she probably doesn't read my livejournal) and you say "Well, I'll show you!"

You get five shots of whiskey, and five shots of water. You set them up, five whiskeys and then five waters, a straight line, and you start with the whiskey. You shoot them as quickly as you can, one after the other until you get to the first water. When you lift the water up, instead of drinking it you splash it on the bartender and you scream "IT IS THE POWER OF CHRIST THAT COMPELS YOU" and you pick up the second water and "IT IS THE HOLY GHOST THAT COMPELS YOU"

and "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU" "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU"

until you are asked to leave.

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[info]phronq
2004-09-01 06:07 pm UTC (link)
I always wanted to invent a drink called a High Colonic. I think someone else has probably done it by now.

I didn't miss the boat on the Rotten Egg though. Splash some Bailey's Irish Cream (or O'Darby's) into some orange juice.

Have people sing "Rocky's Strong Now!" while you chug one back.

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[info]rkmase
2004-09-01 06:09 pm UTC (link)
that was really funny until i went and tried to reproduce the joke to my roommate.

:sigh:

I always screw em up.

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[info]nesmonster
2004-09-01 06:18 pm UTC (link)
This would be even more hilarious if the bartender played along and started cursing at you in a deep smoker's voice.

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[info]whiterabbitsoup
2004-09-01 06:46 pm UTC (link)
... and then masturbated with a crucifix.

For added comic effect, this would have to occur in a gay S&M bar.

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[info]tele00vision
2004-09-02 11:11 am UTC (link)
actually, setting a crucifucking in an s&m bar would make it incredibly lame.

clearly it ought to be in a Swiss Chalet.

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Me too, baby
(Anonymous)
2004-09-01 06:53 pm UTC (link)
A drink I created on an angry Monday night, when I was working in the bowels of hell. Called the C-punch, because that's what my colleagues (Satan's minions) were in need of:

2 parts vodka
1 part triple sec
whiskey sours
.5 of orange juice
Shaken over ice, poured into martini glass

Drink to the violence that, if you have the right person/people around, you can transform into passion, and sense the truth of "Rage Against the Machine"

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[info]asterphage
2004-09-01 07:04 pm UTC (link)
hahaha that is a great idea.

Can we use other liquor, or is there an Exorcist/whiskey connection that I'm missing?

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[info]tele00vision
2004-09-02 11:13 am UTC (link)
duh: irish catholic priests drink irish (catholic?) whisky.

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[info]chronovore
2004-09-01 07:38 pm UTC (link)
I think, after five whiskey shots, I'd have a lot more in common with Regan than Father Merrin.

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[info]citrusfreak12
2004-09-01 09:34 pm UTC (link)
That was a marvelous idea. How do you come up with stuff like that?

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(Anonymous)
2004-09-01 10:44 pm UTC (link)
As a bartender i have to say, this drink bugs me a bit, so how about this one....

Videodrome
line up five shots of sambucca, wait for the customer to do the first four, then grab the fifth and splash it in his face, then grab a match and light him on fire screaming: LONG LIVE THE NEW FLESH!!!

Rosmary's baby
Arrange five shots that are half cassis, half apricot brandy. Tell the customer that you will alternate shots. (They start)
he does a shot
Then you do a shot
he does a shot
you do a shot
and before he can do the next one, fling it in his face screaming BUT THIS ISN'T A DREAM AT ALL! THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!!! Then punch him about the face and neck while adding GOD ID DEAD, HAIL SATAN!!!!

The Omen
Line up 5 shots of vodka and leave the customer to it. On his completion of shot #5, slice off his head with a large pain of glass.

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[info]raktehlessar
2004-09-01 11:38 pm UTC (link)
I like this person's style.

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For those who screw up in areas "humorous delivery"...
(Anonymous)
2004-09-01 11:59 pm UTC (link)
Joey's drink is also nice as, if you totally screw it up and just drink the five waters, though you now look like one eccentric ass (vs. the funny, eccentric ass of Mr. Comeau's creation), you will have made the drink serve the purpose of preventing the bitchin hangover that might accompany the whiskey.

I say that someone makes a drink called The Evangelical that involves a whole bunch of forehead slapping. Always good, and quite necessary.

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[info]ipsafictura
2004-09-02 12:00 am UTC (link)
How about the Blair Witch Project?

Line up five shots of vodka and five glasses of water. Stand behind the customer while he is shooting the vodka and occasionally wave your hands just outside of his field of vision. When he gets to the water grab his head with both hands and shake it violently screaming "OH MY GOD, MY GOD, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" while he attempts to drink the water.

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[info]delilah_noone
2004-09-02 01:29 am UTC (link)
this rocks!

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[info]calamityjake
2004-09-02 08:44 am UTC (link)
I like it. It sounds like fun and it is a nice way of spreading the word about Christ Jesus.

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[info]alpheratz
2004-09-02 12:13 pm UTC (link)
*random person dropping in*

I will worship you forever if you let me steal your icon.

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[info]calamityjake
2004-09-02 12:59 pm UTC (link)
That's fine with me, I suppose, since I just stole it off some website. Use it wisely, though!

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[info]stormdawn
2004-09-02 10:07 am UTC (link)
That is a fantastic idea! Let us know if you are planning on trying it out though...I think something like this requires an audience!

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[info]untoward
2004-09-02 05:25 pm UTC (link)
I thought of this YEARS AGO, and have yet to try. It is funny-in-theory, I think. Hilarious-in-practice, but also, dangerous. I quote WIP. I am a delicate flower.

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(Anonymous)
2004-09-02 11:12 pm UTC (link)
there's a shot called an exorcist in the UK. Its absinthe and aftershock and is rank. Prefer your idea though.

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speaking of aftershock
[info]bustiq
2004-09-03 11:15 am UTC (link)
i invented a drink called "matt's brown pants" it's tequila, pernod and aftershock; three foul tasting and dangerous drinks that when mixed together taste nothing of the sort. it's called that because i gave matt two of them in one night as a guinea pig.

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(Anonymous)
2004-09-03 10:07 pm UTC (link)
this post is a history trip that you may or may not remember. it makes me smile anyway.

-amy

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[info]aceagogo
2004-09-29 07:37 pm UTC (link)
If and when you do this, tell us if the bartender waited until you finished saying "IT IS THE POWER OF CHRIST THAT COMPELS YOU" before you punched you, :)

Anyways, Hi, I've been reading ASW comics for quite some time now, and I think you are brilliant. I'm planning on getting the book in about two days when I get the time to send my money for one. But, I would appreciate it if you would add me back =D

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